Men and ED

Meet Jack. He plays college football, keeps at least a 3.6 GPA, and is thinking of proposing to his girlfriend. Oh, and he has been actively practicing bulimia for the last four years.

Meet Jason. He came out as gay at a very early age and received criticism and hatred because of it. He spends a lot of time with his gay friends, going to parties, doing drugs, and going to clubs. What his friends don't know is that he restricts daily, to at least some extent.

Meet Nathan. As a high schooler, he makes good grades but doesn't have a lot of friends. He has always been self conscious of the fact that he is overweight, so he remains a loner.  His secret: he sneaks food at night, hides food in his room "for later," and eats to comfort himself when he's upset.

You see, there is a huge misconception that only females develop eating disorders. Not only is that not true, but it's a dangerous idea; if people honestly believe that boys and men are actually incapable of having an eating disorder, then how would any of them get help? How would others be able to notice the signs? How would anyone believe them if they were actually brave enough to admit it?

This myth comes from a combination of actual facts. First, women do tend to be more controlling than men. Since eating disorders are about control, it would make sense as to where this thought came from. That doesn't mean that it's impossible for men to have that desire for control, though. Secondly, boys are traditionally taught to "suck it up and be a man." If a parent thought that their son was "being a man" and not letting his emotions bother him, why would they think that their strong young man would be so "weak" as to have an eating disorder?

Let me clarify something: battling an eating disorder does NOT make a person weak. Unfortunately, especially for men, this is the assumption. People seem to think that having an eating disorder means that the person has a lack of self control and have no will power. But that is completely untrue...I'll get more into that in a bit, though.

Lastly, along with the thought of weakness, many times men have the "suck it up" mentality drilled into their head from a very young age. Because of this, men are known for not asking for help, especially in the mental health area. Men are known for not going to the doctor when they need to, much less a counselor or therapist. Lack of encouragement for men to seek help has lead professionals to believe that statistics are actually skewed. Currently it is said that 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from an eating disorder. These numbers, though, are based on the people that we know, for a fact, have an eating disorder. If so many men, probably more than woman, are unwilling to admit it - much less seek professional help - how can these men be accounted for? It would only make sense that the number for men is actually much, much higher.

Men can have the same experiences as women that can trigger an eating disorder. Men can be introduced to disordered eating at home, or disordered eating being encouraged by family. Men can have childhood traumas, including physical and sexual abuse. They can be teased, bullied, and judged based
on their weight - or anything else, for that matter. They can be exposed to addictive habits, whether in their family or their own addictions. They can have so much in their childhood be out of control that they feel a need to have control. They can be perfectionists.

The only difference is that men are seen as strong; women are seen as weak, so "it's okay for a woman to have this disease." So many people don't understand, though, that an eating disorder - or any other form of self harm (and yes, ED is harming your self) - is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you've been too strong, all alone, for too long.

If you're a guy, or know a guy, with an eating disorder, let me know. I can provide you with resources.