My Story

I'd like to share my experiences and story, so that others can understand me a bit better.

Through childhood traumas, addiction issues, lack of control in my life (close ones dying, abuse, etc.), and other problems, my anorexia began at eleven years old. Like others, I didn't wake up one morning and say, "Hmm, I think I'll starve myself today." It was a slow process but I eventually used my body as a way of control; I felt that I couldn't control anything in my life - except my body.

Over the years, my weight didn't change too much. Ed thrives on secrecy and I was practically a professional in secrecy and manipulation. Finally, the control over my body changed...Ed began controlling me. I started having severe symptoms from my anorexia. My hair was thinning, I was slowly losing my cycle, I was constantly fatigued, couldn't think clearly, was constantly dehydrated, and either dizzy or fainting on a regular basis. At 5 ft 8 in, my weight was in double digits - appropriate weight for my height, age, sex, and body type is about 145 lbs. I even ended up with osteopenia (basically pre-osteoporosis) and early onset of other elderly diseases. I was literally dying and needed help.

The inpatient treatment was pointless. I left the inpatient facility AMA (against medical advice), since I hadn't gained enough weight to be cleared for a doctor to release me...but I wasn't ready. That was the moment that I realized that treatment only works when a person WANTS to get better. I finally did get treatment that worked for me. I worked the system, I tried my best, and I officially considered myself in recovery.

Recovery, for me, is daily. As with any other addiction, I will always have anorexia but I am in recovery. Even during pregnancy when I gained the most weight ever before, I did not once follow through on any disordered eating behaviors. Ever since, recovery - for myself and others - has been my goal. I work daily on my own recovery but I felt that wasn't enough. I needed to help.

After years of studying eating disorders (the basics, statistics, psychology behind it, treatment - then and now, and more), working on a purely social level with using my story to help others begin/continue recovery, and doing my own research, projects, and surveys, I have learned more about eating disorders than I ever thought possible. I am no professional; I have no degree in this field. I am, however, considered an eating disorder expert. (I supposed that depends on your definition of expert. Ha ha) I've used all of this to offer my hand to others. I've previously done educational classes to inform on eating disorders. Now, on top of that, I want to offer my resources and ability to research (especially since it's not as overwhelming for those not involved). I want to help find treatment centers, professionals, support groups, and more in the local area for others.

This blog is meant to be purely informative. I also have people make special requests. Essentially, if you need something related to eating disorders, I will try to take care of it for you. And if I can't do it, I'll point you in the direction of someone who can.

All of my services are 100% free. Education and resources should always be free. I do accept all types of donations, with everything only going specifically for me to help others. I want to do this. I never want anyone else to go through what I did.

Eating disorders are the slowest form of suicide.

The only perfect anorexic is a dead one.

If you're interested in any of my services or more information on services or donating, please use the Contact form on the home page. (If on your mobile, click View web page to see the contact form.)

Please remember that I can give advice and suggestions until I'm blue in the face...it should never replace the consultation of a doctor or other professional.